Vocabulary you don't want your child to say

Words like no, and mine are some of the worst words you can hear from a toddler’s mouth, but what about teens?  Besides the obvious, I have a no no list of words in my home for any age.

My daughter at age 11 started thinking that she was allowed to correct us. She would always start the sentence with actually. She would say “Actually mom Jane said this.” So one day I told her she wasn’t allowed to use that word again. I simply said”I’m sorry you didn’t just say actually did you?” And she would not get the chance to finish the sentence. I explained many times my reasoning, that she used that word to correct me. Often she was in fact incorrect in her assumptions, since she would over hear a part of a conversation and feel she was the resident expert. I know this behavior is all part of growing independent, however learning to respect your elders, parent and teacher etc, is also another large part of growing up. Her opinion is welcomed if it’s not in the form of assuming or correcting and posed as a question.  Example “Mom I’m confused I thought dad said this.” Instead of “Actually mom dad said this.” I don’t want her to feel like she doesn’t have a voice, it’s a fine line between being respectful and having an opinion and having an opinion and giving attitude with it.  She made the word actually a 6 syllable word emphasizing in all the wrong places and stretching out the word. So I banned the word. I love you but, has also been banned it is often followed by something you don’t need to say at all. I love you but you’re totally wrong mom, or I love you but that’s really dumb mom. Often you say I love you but to soften a large blow. So I always ask her why she loves my butt?  After I had told her in detail how the word was banned and why not to use it. Another one is taking the Lord’s name in vain. So I always ask her where? This is said in a way to explain that she would only say that name with such exclamation if she saw the Christ in person! It’s a fun way of reminding her that it isn’t appropriate for anyother reason but to point him out to me. I then look around quickly, looking for him to make the joke more funny. She now does this with her friends and it is received with giggles.

 Ok so now back to the toddler. The word mine for him is used to indicate something he wants or something he doesn’t want to share. If it’s something he wants I tell him, “you will not get that until you ask for it nicely “, then he would sign and say, “please”, and I always remind him to sign and say, “thank you” (side note btw if you teach your child sign language, they get the concept to start asking, ”what’s the sign for that”, or basically what’s that called at as young of an age as 12 months. This is why most hearing, signing children have a very extensive sign and vocal vocabulary at young ages.  I have seen this for myself in my own son) So anyway my son stops the fit he was having over the toy, after I remind him to ask nicely, he smiles and does his sign and asks, ” please”, to which we give tons of praise. Then he receives his toy and I see my son beam ear to ear.

 When he has trouble sharing I simply tell him if he can’t share it, he can’t play with it. I take the toy or whatever out of sight immediately. He cries for a minute but then when he is calm again I ask him if he is ready to share. He seems to always say yes, even when he really isn’t, but then I just remove the toy again and tell him why. I also follow everything with a 123. Now before I get to 3 he hands the toy back over to the kid he took it from for fear of losing it completely. 123 for all you parents who think it is your mothers technique, if it works don’t fix it. 123 is a good warning for all behaviors. This has been working for him as well. He is learning to be nicer with the other children playing with his toys. He is only 19 months old but I am defiantly seeing progress. You will have to find the words your children use to disobey and give attitude or inappropriate behavior; they will probably differ from mine but be creative, on how to tell them to stop. And remember to explain why you are banning the word.